Thursday, September 06, 2007

Brian Of Britain

Big Brother is over for another summer, which means that the summer itself is also almost over. Liam was the preferred choice of victor in Castle Collier, but stupidity eventually won the day with the infantile, but entirely likeable, Brian emerging triumphant and gangling down the steps like Crazy-Legs Crane after too many coffees.

We were just happy that the spectacularly vacuous twins didn’t win. They’re two individuals tuned to a shrieking girlie frequency so high that the dial’s long since been broken and they’re unable to see the world in anything but a shade of fuchsia (which affords them the emotional range of the average Vulcan). Exhibiting unnervingly childlike wonder throughout, they were so shallow kids couldn’t even paddle in them.

On “Planet Samanda” everything was “dead, dead good” and all the people were “dead, dead nice”, and for thirteen weeks they demonstrated a complete inability to engage in the most simple of conversations or speak more than three words without interspersing their strange staccato speech with a series of giggles. Had I been a BB8 housemate, viewers might have witnessed the first ever televised suicide (whereupon they’d probably describe me as “dead, dead dead”), the sweet release of death being preferable to enduring their daily squeals.

You’ve got to admire the resilience of the unfortunate individuals who had a passport to their world for the duration of the show. Being locked in a house with them for that length of time would have tested the endurance of a Green Beret prisoner of war.

Congratulations this year to the BB production people who, in Charley, contrived to find someone even more odious than Jade Goody (a few short months ago I didn’t think such a thing was possible). Thankfully, since leaving the house, she’s revealed herself to be a creature of no discernable talent, which means that her time in the spotlight is happily finite. Hopefully she won’t be held up to be some sort of celebrity pantomime villain which would serve to trivialise her contemptible behaviour, and with any luck she’ll shortly be completely ignored which is the worst fate for a member of the celebrity sect she so longs to join.

Cracking stuff. Roll on BB9…

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