“The time? It’s exactly Tuesday…”

Welcome, one and all, to the wonderful world of DayClocks. They’re a bit like normal clocks, but instead of hours they have days, and instead of two hands they have just one which takes a week to complete a full revolution. For those individuals who don’t know what day it is, it’s an invaluable item. For the other 99% of humanity, it’s useless sub-Betterware junk.

It’s the sort of product that, if it were presented in Dragons’ Den, would see its creators set upon and beaten to a bloody pulp and flung back down the stairs like pin-striped strawberry jam. Not having run this gauntlet however, Mark Pierce and John Kallestad (whose brainchild this futile piece of tat is) are upbeat: “Everyone owns a watch,” they claim “but the day of the week timepiece is definitely a fun item! It’s a whole new way of looking at time.” Hmm, not my idea of fun I’m afraid lads.

The website helpfully supplies a list of scenarios in which people may benefit from their invention: “Retirement, Motor Home Accessory, Birthday Gift, Anniversary Gift, Premium Incentive, Child’s Room, College Dorm, "Your" Living Room, Any Occasion for a Gift”. It also explains the origins of this useless chronological trinket: “The idea for the DayClock was born in the heart of the Black Rock Desert of Nevada in the middle of July. Mark and John had been dirt sailing for several days knowing their wives would be showing up on Friday. The problem was they didn't know what day it was and their wristwatches only gave them the date, which didn't help."

It's probably best not to speculate what “dirt sailing” is, but what grown men get up to in the middle of the desert is their business and their business alone.

Luckily, Mark and John had the foresight to patent the DayClock design, and now “have plans to expand on many different variations of the original theme”. What next I wonder? The MonthClock? The YearClock? A Beatles version with eight days in a week? Ironically, unlike time itself, the possibilities would seem limited.

Ultimately though, I can’t help but feel the DayClock has a self-defeating purpose: ie. if you don’t know what day it is, then you probably couldn’t give a shit what day it is. Ergo, you have no need for a DayClock.