That's (Not) Entertainment

Don’t get me wrong, I like people hassling me for money as much as the next man, though I’m genuinely puzzled by a form of street entertainment (and I use the word “entertainment” in its loosest possible sense) which has sprung up in recent years.

People pretending to be statues. What’s all that about? These struggling actors can usually be found smothered in white emulsion, standing atop a plinth in the middle of the high street, exhibiting as much animation as roadkill.

Pretending to be a statue has no artistic merit and takes no particular skill except the ability to slap on a bit of Dulux, which renders them indistinguishable from slow-moving albinos (who must be quids in since this particular form of ‘street art’ started). Often the only clue that “standing still” warrants some kind of financial reward is a strategically-placed hat at their feet.

Tourists gawp in awestruck wonder “Look, they’re not moving or talking or anything! Amazing…” Amazing indeed, as their ability to mysteriously winkle nuggets out of people’s wallets by doing precisely nothing puts their efforts on a par with telekeneticists.

Call me old fashioned, but I prefer street entertainers to live up to their label and be at least moderately entertaining, or if they’re not, to put the effort in by unicycling or juggling fire or scaring small children (or by scarily juggling small fiery children). Finding entertainment value in motionless thespians is like putting a DVD on only to watch it on pause.