Friday, March 14, 2008

If Only They’d Opened A Window…

To bastardise a much-quoted philosophical question: if a lath and plaster ceiling in the living room of a 1930’s semi- falls off and smashes to the floor, and there’s no-one around to hear it, does it make a noise? I know it’s meant to be one of those unanswerable conundrums, though I’d hazard a guess at yes.

Sadly, a large chunk of our living room ceiling is no more as it recently crashed carpetward in spectacular fashion creating a huge mess (thankfully, no-one was in the room at the time). In much the same way as the meteorite that killed off the dinosaurs, the atmosphere was filled with fine dust particles which reduced the regular stream of photons streaming through available windows to a hazy few. The problem was immediately solved though by opening several of them (windows, not photons). If only the dinosaurs had thought of that they may have survived the impact, but then again, they had tiny brains and probably just ran around freaking out and shitting their scaly pants.

Unfortunately for all but a few terrible lizards, they were doomed and the world of mammals was allowed to rise and flourish to the point where one particular ape would develop into a creature able to tame fire, form complex societies, and invent important things like stone tools, the wheel and Kenwood pasta makers. It’s strange to think that if dinosaurs had survived we’d be the inheritors of their reptilian genes and would all look like characters in Dinosaurs. Probably… Even so though, I reckon even the worst modern-day dinosaur plasterer would have made a better job of doing our ceiling than the last opposably-thumbed cowboy ape that did it.

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