The latest of these is a small figurine of Jesus appearing in a bag of cheesy crisps which the owner (who has since housed the statuette in a small plastic box surrounded by toilet roll, lest he be crushed or munched by the cat) maintains is the image of the Son of God. Call me a heathen, but the resemblance could only be accurate if Jesus himself went about his daily miracles and wine-making if he was systematically enclosed in bubbling cheese and painted orange, but anyway…To me, the tenuous resemblance owes more to the brand of crisps he was discovered lurking amongst. Everyone knows that no two Nik-Naks look the same (a quality that was also their USP in an 80s ad campaign). Surely it was only a matter of time before one resembled Jesus? In my packet of Nik-Naks today I was able to successfully identify an exhaust from an Austin Allegro, an antique telephone receiver and Chunk from The Goonies. And even some crisps. Frankly, I’m amazed that sightings of deities aren’t more commonplace. I’m sure there are similar effigies of Ganesh, Shiva and Bealzebub lurking in packets of Nice ‘n’ Spicy, awaiting some gullible nut to spot them.
The difference between these gullible nuts and everyone else is that most normal people would say, “Hey, look everyone. My crisp looks a bit like Jesus!” before popping it into our mouths and appreciating it as the good people at Golden Wonder intended, rather than taking it as undisputable evidence that the second coming is upon us.
If however, three days after consumption, the lookalikey crisp in question was able to rise from its intestinal tomb and emerge unscathed from the mouth of the person who consumed it, rolling the tongue aside and ascending to crisp heaven, I might just be impressed.
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