Gin & Juice? Milk & Cereal…

“Come on Britain,’ Snoop Dogg embarrassingly implored in a TV interview yesterday after being told recently that he wouldn’t be allowed a UK visa, ‘we let in the Beatles, how about letting me in?’

Hmm, it’s not the best comparison. To my knowledge, John, Paul and George never had weapons and drugs charges filed against them in the US stemming from three separate arrests. Ringo however, has been guilty of heinous crimes against singing and has never been fully punished.

His (Snoop’s, not Ringo’s) spokeswoman said he was "mystified" at the decision, which has resulted from violent disorder and affray at Heathrow Airport. There’s nothing overly mystifying about. From what I understand, it’s resulted from violent disorder and affray at Heathrow Airport.

For me, there’s something about Mr Dogg which has always made him look a bit like the “school spanner” in the Academy of Gangsta Rap. His weedy likkle frame is somewhat at odds with his muscle-bound, testosterone-oozing absurdly-tattooed chums. With his sullen cheekbones and gangly arms, he looks more like one of those weedy kids who got picked on in the playground, despite sitting on his own and minding his own business, munching a lunchbox full of cheese sandwiches. Or in his case, maybe a nice juicy bone.

That said, he has tried his best to keep up with his peers, even to the point of being held on suspicion of murder. It seems you get a better class of celebrity murderer in the US. Over there you get Snoop Dogg and OJ Simpson, whereas all we can offer here is Lesley Grantham and possibly Barrymore (though manslaughter doesn’t really count in my eyes).

Incidentally, Mr Dog was chosen as the new name for Caesar dog food a while ago. Whichever marketing genius thought more people were likely to buy a product that sounded like it was the idea of a particularly unimaginative six-year old child was sadly mistaken. It’s like when Coco Pops were foolishly (and briefly) renamed to Choco Crispies in the mid ‘90s. The advertisers couldn’t even be bothered to alter the jingle to account for the change in metre: “We’d rather have a bowl of Choco Crispies!” What? There’s an extra syllable in there, has no-one noticed? Rubbish…Consequently, there was uproar from chocolate cereal munching lobbyists who promptly demanded that it was changed back again. Which it was.

Now what was I talking about? Oh yes, Snoop Dogg. Don’t let him in, his music’s kak anyway.