Decisions for the portly gentleman

It seems there comes a time in every overweight elderly gent's life, where he has to decide whether to hoik the front of his trousers up over his expanding gut, or sling the belt-line underneath it. Both the ‘up-and-over’ and the ‘underslung’ options draw attention to whatever bellychunk he may be sporting and it seems to be a question of choosing to cover it either in strides or a button-popping shirt. The result is either ridiculous or unsightly respectively.

As a rule, the 'underslung' seems to be the more favoured option in this country, though I saw a spectacular example of the 'up-and-over' on the way to work this morning. He was one of those people who had to lean back when he walked to counter the excess weight at the front, and it was with a marked lack of equilibrium that he waddled wheezingly officeward looking like he was smuggling an over-pumped basketball (no doubt with a zip straining up the front of it like a disembowelment scar though I didn’t look too closely).

Fair play to him though, at least he was walking to work, whereas I was trundling past in my nice warm car. He probably thought exactly the same thing in the 1970s as he tootled past a gargantuan individual 30 years his senior, and thought similarly it would never happen to him.

For the record, I think I'd be an 'up-and-over'. Though this would only be for comedy value.